You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
