my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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