so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
