I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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