YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
