your parents love me but you hate me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
