where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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