i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
