If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
