you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just high enough for therapy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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