all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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