I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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