you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
