Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
