just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's always time for handjobs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
