Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
