the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
