I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
