I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
