Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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