yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they need to just BURY HIM!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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