Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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