and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have fence marks all over my body
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
