funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
