we're chasing vodka with high fives
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
