Where did you get a picture of my penis
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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