I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
where are my eyebrows?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
