Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
