My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
