he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
