I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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