HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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