I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
