I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
