remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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