Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
