party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I am morally bankrupt
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
