She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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