Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
