I think I won the penis lottery.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
only you would photoshop your dick
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
