Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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