the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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