He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
