thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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