What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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