i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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