Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
