Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
