It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
