pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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