I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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