All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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