Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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