Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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