You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
