I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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