I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
