this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
