Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
