Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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