If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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