can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
