Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize