My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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