the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
