Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize