If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
