i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
