Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
