it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
