I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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