somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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